(By: Nisar Khokhar)
It was a freezing January night when Imam Bux went to meet the woman he loved in Lakhi Ghulam Shah. Bhagan was anxiously waiting for him outside her house. Only minutes after they met, a group of armed men appeared at a distance and ordered the girl to go inside the house. Sensing danger, Bhagan, 21, helped her lover flee. All the four armed people, including Bhagam's husband, rushed over and started to beat Bhagan. They broke her arms and leg and in no time cut her beautiful body into pieces with axes. They collected the bleeding pieces in an ajrak and threw them in the Sindh Wah Canal.
This is the price lover, especially women, pay in interior Sindh. "Every tribe has strict customs, which don't permit any individual a choice in the matter of marriage,"
A retired Khairpur headmaster says. Ill-matched 1 couples, often willingly, go for adultery. Both partners know well that their affair will not end in a love marriage. If they announce their intention, tribal and social mores would lead to tribal clashes and their death.
"As urban married women avoid serious affairs, unmarried rural girls similarly avoid love entanglements. All love affairs are enjoyed after marriage because if a girl falls in love before marriage, she knows that she will never to marry the man she loves and shame will shadow her all her life," explains a social worker from Larkana.
Hence, most men and women involved in illicit love affairs are either married or engaged. Nikahs and engagements take place in childhood or even before birth. "My sister-in-law has promised that if she delivers a girl, that child will grow up to be my son’s bride," says the father of an eight-year-old boy. These circumstances have made love a prohibited and punishable crime. But people still fall in love and sacrifice their lives for it.
"It is clear to me that I can't marry her, but I can't live without her. We both are victims of our so-called customs," says a primary teacher from Dadu. "Even when I sleep with my wife I long for her, as in my heart she has taken the place of my wife," he confides.
It is not uncommon for a man to handle two or three love affairs at a time, while woman focus on a single serious affair, which could claim her life any time. "Traditionally women have an instinct to search for protection. Therefore, strong and powerful men are their ideal lovers. Rural women feel proud of having an affair with some notorious dacoit, thief or a cruel landlord," says a professor from Shah Abdul Latif University, Khairpur.
However, some new trends have recently emerged; now unqualified doctors, primary teachers, taxi drivers, women also consider trainee singers and the likes suitable. After their encounter, which is mostly incidental, they exchange messages and agree to meet.
"I approached her when she was unmarried. She received my messages and gifts with request to wait. One year later she was married and six months after her marriage, she agreed to meet," said a shopkeeper of Madaiji.
Most murders take place at the meeting places of the couples. Usually the women protect their lovers and face dire consequences themselves. "I already suspected because her tribe was bloody, but she insisted on meeting inside her house. One day just as we were together in her house, her husband came in with a gun. She resisted the husband and helped me escape. I left my clothes there and ran," said a police constable of Ghotki. "Immediately after-wards I heard some gun shots and suspected her murder. I still don't have the courage to inquire about her," he said ashamedly.
Love affairs also lead to tribal clashes which the tribal jirgas, with the help of local administration, decide. As a result Karo Kari and extra-judicial killings are a routine. Women declared kari are still punished in a horrifying manner according to customs.
"A beautiful young girl was declared kari in Shah Belo (a village in Shikarpur district known for killing their women) by her cousin recently," said a forest officer. "A time limit of 15 days was given to her in which celebrations and farewell gatherings for the girl could be held. Her relatives and friends were invited to meet her for the last time. She was treated with the best food and clothes and her hands and feet were decorated with henna.
On the fateful day, the girl was made up like a bride. An axe was given to the cousin who had labeled her kari. But she refused to be killed by a person who he wanted to have an affair with her but after her refusal declared her kari. Her resistance, at the last moment, created panic among those present and her parents hurriedly handed over the axe to the girls younger brother, who unwillingly had to cut his sister's throat," the forest officer concluded.
Horrifying acts of this kind are still taking place in the kachcha forest areas of Sindh, located on both banks of the River Indus. Though Karo Kari is also committed in semi-urban areas, killings under the pretext of Karo Kari have turned into an ugly trade in the rural areas. "No one has ghairat nowadays, everyone is having illegal relations," says a disgruntled grandpa of Moro. He believes that "Genuine cases of adultery are not taken as seriously as in the past. Now whoever shoots his wife or sister is actually settling scores with the enemies." The disgusted older generation of rural Sindh watches this killing game helplessly.
Jacobabad and areas around Kandhkot have a unique way of punishing loving couples" the women are mostly drowned in the river or canals. There's a local story of an 18-year-old girl who ran from the house when her husband was still asleep. They had been wedded for eight weeks. She made her way to the thick trees outside the village to meet her awaiting lover, who had come to meet her from her native village some 30km away. As luck would have it the husband awakened within time and took his two cousins along and went looking for her.
The couple was caught in the act but the girl helped her lover escape. She was kicked and baton-charged until she became unconscious. Her husband removed the ajrak from her head, tied her henna-decorated hands and feet with it, removed her shirt, strangled her and threw her body in the nearby canal. Next afternoon people gathered at the third regulator of Guddu Barrage and found the naked body of the girl. Being embarrassed and scared, they wouldn't dare bring the body out, so they further opened the doors of the regulator to dispose off the body.
A landmine - like situation has arisen where every step is taken carefully. During these affairs women help each other to ease tensions, mostly sisters and sisters-in-law share secrets, which are strongly guarded. Many purdah-observing women send messages to their lovers through women relatives. "Women trust each other because of their common interests and hostile atmosphere surrounding them," said a sociology professor of Shah Abdul Latif University.
They have no option but to trust each other because they can neither write nor have access to telephones. Their only medium of communication is through a messenger. Where conditions are stricter couples meet at dargahs. Dargah of Qalandar Lal Shahbaz at Sehwan, Gaji Shan in Kacho Desert and Shah Uqiq at Thatta are famous meeting-places of such couples. Women go there with their families for a four-to-seven night stay and as decided earlier their lovers also join them," the professor continued.
"My sweet heart has tough conditions at home, therefore, we meet at Shewan every six months," a thief from Dado said. The status of these affairs can be questioned morally, legally and socially, but their causes have deep roots in the Sindhi society. It is an open secret that married men and women fall in love quite frequently. Sindhi men consider having sexual relations with a woman other than the wife a matter of pride. "It is mardangi to have an affair other wise H’s not a true mard," said a local politician.
Men don’t consider having affairs as immoral or illegal, but when it comes to their own wives and sisters they openly declare the action immoral and illegal. These kinds of love affairs are a kind of adventure for males and an obsession with females. "Men betray while women stand by their words," said a head mistress of Qamber, Larkana. She has stayed single ever since her divorce after her affair became public. At the time of divorce her husband was enjoying two affairs and her lover was on his third.
Surprisingly Sindhi literature and poetry also support and sympathizes with these kinds of love affairs. The whole chapter of Sur Suhni is devoted to this by the great poet Shah Abdul Latif Bhitai, in which he explains that Suhni felt uncomfortable while sleeping with her husband but after crossing the river when she met Mehar, her lover, she was pleased. The advocacy for this kind of relationship has come through centuries but the conditions have never changed. Though severe punishments have become lenient but barriers are still there.
"Child marriages are the main cause behind these affairs," said Advocate Kalpana of Sukkur. "The couples are not given the right to choose and when they fall in love its termed adultery. Even educated families deny their children this right, so one can imagine the situation in rural areas where literacy is at zero point and tribal customs are in practice," she continued.
The educated generation of taluka and district headquarters also meets the same fate. "Killing a women is not our custom but we deny her right of marriage," said a landlord from Nawabshah. "When we don't find a suitable match we wed her to the Quran," he concluded. Ironically, sometimes women wedded to the Quran also give in to the power of love. Less-educated girls and boys now meet freely in slightly developed rural areas. "We meet at each others' relatives' houses. Women present there protect us from any danger," said a young taxi driver.
With time punishments have changed. Now most people consider Karo Kari as bringing a bad name to the family honor, therefore, if they see something wrong they simply turn away their eyes. "Turning eyes won't help, they must pay heed to our sentiments," said a young teacher in love. In some parts of Dadu, Larkana, Shikarpur, Sukkur, Jacobabad, Ghotki and Khairpur a woman killed as kari is admired by other women. They praise her courage and admire the fact that she has been fortunate enough to breathe her last in her lover's arms.
"Sincerity of the woman in these affairs is unquestionable. She loves and protects madly," said a radio producer from Khairpur. "Local women are insulted every day in their homes, their sentiments are suppressed, they have no say in decision making and are beaten by their husbands regularly. So whenever a person with a powerful image shows love and care for them, they fall prey to his tall claims and promises," he observed.
Illiterate woman has her own ways of showing sincerity and love. She treats her lover with special food, food he likes to hear a word of praise from him. Gifts like ordinary jewelry, embroidered shirts etc. are exchanged with affection and worn proudly and publicly. "Whenever I return from a mela she searches for a gift and if there isn't any she stops talking to me as a protest," disclosed a trainee singer, and a lover, from Kandiaro
When a primary school teacher from Badah was informed that his beloved has ended their affair abruptly, he used to weep, but secretly. Although weeping is considered a female act, some men also do so. But their public display of depression is different. As this teacher from Badah, after weeping secretly, went to the nearby jhopra hotel, ordered tea and a cheap brand of cigarettes. Puffing in the air he ordered a song of Jalal Chandio to be played However, the woman don’t or rather can't make her frustration public. She secretly stops eating and goes on unannounced hunger strikes for weeks. She weeps only during night in her bed. If she weeps publicly her family would find out about her state and situation, which is the last thing she wants.
"My cousin betrayed a beautiful woman who was madly in love with him," said a lecturer from Dadu. "Six months after the end of the affair, the woman became a psychic patient and her parents took her to fakirs for treatment against jinn.
Unfortunately every love story has a sad ending. Conditions are very hostile for lovers in the rural areas of Sindh but, despite all hindrances, it seems that lovers are not ready to withdraw from their right to love and be loved.
